Keeping It Together

“Why is it that some people are more vulnerable to life’s slings and arrows and others more resilient? Can we nudge people along this continuum to nourish and nurture the qualities that promote human flourishing.”

Richard J Davidson, PhD, Neuroscientist and Psychologist from UCSF

I was getting my hair done the other day. Perfect opportunity to watch a Ted Talk by a writer whose book I have enjoyed for some time. I had saved it over the weekend for this time (my stylist’s assistant is deaf so I don’t need to engage in small talk). 

You should look it up. It is titled:

“How mindfulness changes the emotional life of our brains”

Here’s the cliff notes:

Why are some vulnerable to depression and distress and others can rise above it? What if instead of focusing on the negativity (anxiety, fear and depression), we focused on compassion and kindness with mindfulness?

We can take more responsibility by training our own minds.

Four challenges in today’s society:

1. Distractibility
1. What are you doing right now?
2. Where is your mind right now? Focused on what you are doing or somewhere else?
3. At this very moment how happy are you? Turns out the more distracted you are, the less happy you are (no surprise)
4. Increase in attention deficit in our children is not incidental: it’s a sign of our times.
2. Loneliness
1. 76 percent of middle aged people have moderate to severe levels of loneliness. 
2. Loneliness is a more significant predictor of mortality than obesity (by two folds)
3. Negative Self-talk and Depression
1. We believe the story and the narrative that we tell ourselves
2. In last 3 years there have been more than 33% increase in depression in women (including in teenagers)
3. Our teens are showing more than double the number of suicides in US (one teenager per day in the US)
4. Loss of meaning and purpose in life
1. Not simply a subjective quality
2. Lack of purpose actually predicts an early death (people in their 60s with low purpose in life are over 2X as likely to die within five years as those with high level of purpose)

Turns out at any given time, more than 47% of Americans are not focused on what they are doing. 

Again, when not paying attention to what they are doing they are unhappy. 

“A Wandering Mind is an Unhappy Mind.”

Our nation is suffering from a fiscal deficit AND an attention deficit. 

Can we do anything about that?

Science and Evidence based research tells us: We can train our minds.

Here’s what the evidence shows.

Four Pillars of a Healthy Mind. 

1. Awareness: the capacity to focus our attention: to resist distraction. Increase Meta awareness (when you read a book after 5 minutes you are not sure what you are reading. It is a lapse of Meta awareness)
2. Connection: qualities that improve interconnectedness with others. Appreciation, compassion, positive outlook
3. Insight: insight to the narrative (constellation of thoughts) we have about ourselves (there are people who have negative story when they have 
4. Purpose: having a sense that our life is headed into a particular direction. Can you envision living your life where taking out the garbage and doing the dishes is all part of a great purpose in your life? 

Have you trained your mind? Turns out there are two main ways to train your mind.

1. Declarative learning. It’s informative but not transformative. Reading about honesty won’t make you an honest person. 
2. Procedural learning. This learning creates truly a different transformation. You can harness your brain to create changes that will show systematic changes in functional MRI studies involving the prefrontal cortex by 7 hours of focused meditation.  

He refers to this need to incorporate mindfulness in our lives as an Urgent Public Health need.  

We can change the world. We can reduce our Implicit Bias. We can reduce health care costs by promoting well being. We can increase productivity and focus.

For me personally, I can take away the human suffering even if by 5%. 

It was such an uplifting message. I had read his book before but watching him on the Ted Talk was truly energizing.

He finished his Ted Talk by saying that the future of Humanity depends on this. I believe him.

This is truly my life purpose now. 

I turned 50 the year of COVID and I desperately wanted to make a larger impact. Not just caring for the seriously ill and the dying who are falling off the cliff, but can I also help people further upstream?

Can I help them pivot their way of thinking and living so that they will find joy in their daily lives and have a sense of meaning and purpose. Can I nudge people to live their bucket list NOW?

That’s how the podcast came to be. Then I wondered if I can get additional training to do my own private coaching? I had to get permission from my work to have an independent practice.

They finally said. I get to practice medicine and have a life coaching practice.

So exciting. 

With coaching and deep meditative work, I can teach people those skills to be used in their own lives.

Just because I meditate and practice mindfulness, it does not mean I can teach that portion of my offer to my own standard. 

Now, this is not news to anyone in this space that I practice daily meditation and mindfulness. Some are structured via Headspace app, and some are ritualistic in the morning with a lit candle, but my favorite experience is one practice that I have been doing regularly for the last three years. It is called iRest. It is Integrative Restoration yoga. It’s less yoga and more meditation. 

Have you heard of this? 

It is evidence-based mindfulness treatment for managing chronic pain, decreasing anxiety, inducing deeper sleep and more awareness and sense of appreciation of the present moment. 

My mentor is awesome. I had not seen her in almost 6 months because of COVID. We are just now allowed to be outside to do outdoor activities as long as there are no more than 5 people. I went to see her last night. A beautiful night to practice Yoga by the beach (also intentionally, as not to watch the debate). Then I slept so deeply last night. So so good.  

We need more of this. 

I am very excited to share with you all that I have invited my instructor and she is going to be part of my 12 week coaching offer. She will offer both iRest Mindful training as well as weekly Yin (restorative yoga) alongside my weekly group mindset coaching. 

This will be awesome.

PS. This program started last year and it is going strong. My clients are having incredible results and we are having so much fun supporting each other inching toward living intentionally every single day. Do you want to join us?

Next opening will be June 28th.

Do not miss out. 

PPS. Picture of one of my two weekly yoga instructors meditating in her backyard.