A Curated Life

For the past 9 years, I have had this picture of my two girls that was taken in their preschool hanging on my kitchen wall. 

Just so you know, I don't have any other picture of anyone hanging anywhere in my home. 

It's a very sweet picture. I can't ever imagine a time when my older one voluntarily kissed her little sister. This picture was taken by a photographer at their school, and she told me it was not prompted. 

Exactly two days after this photo was taken, my little one had a freak accident when playing around in her bedroom, falling down and bumping her head by the sharp edge of her bedroom door. 

Blood covered all of her sweet face as she was screaming as she was startled. I had no idea what had happened. How does a playful little girl in her PJ's end up with a face that's covered in blood?

We took her to the ER and she ended up with 5 stitches. 

This picture to me is somehow the ultimate in innocence, sisterhood, and what life used to be. 

As I was working so much at that time, my Mother's guilt set in.

"Here I go again. Even when I'm at home with them I can't seem to be able to protect them."

To be honest with you, as beautiful as this photo is, this was the height of my own 'running around with hair on fire' phase. 

I was a hospitalist working all sorts of shifts. Day shifts, night shifts, evening shifts, working every other weekend, and as I have said before working 12 consecutive Christmas Eves... You get the picture. 

My husband was a medical student. I remember when my second daughter was born he was on his psychiatry rotation. They gave him ONE day off. That is all. I just had a C section, nursing my infant and trying to manage my 2.5 year old toddler who was running around and wanted my attention. They gave him one single day off for paternity.

I digress. 

So when I'd see photos of my kids taken like this in their school, I would be happy and then I would fall apart and start crying. 

How was I missing so much of their lives?

Look how happy they are and I don't ever get to see that...

Well, this picture has meant a lot to me through the years. So I framed it in a very minimalistic frame: Two plates of glass keeping them together-almost like an art gallery piece. 

Then on top of it, there is one of those block signs that reads:

Be The Mom You Want Them To Remember.

I love that saying. 

I don't want my kids to look back and think of their childhood and remember me as the type of mom who kept criticizing them or trying to turn them into someone they are not.  

One year my older daughter came home from school and said,

"Mom, I am so happy to have you as a mom."

"Why is that?", I asked. 

She said her friend's mom was mad at her for not making it into the next level of the Tennis competition.

"I know you wouldn't care.", she said. 

Technically I would have cared, but she knew I wouldn't get mad. I want them to always do the best they can at whatever they are setting their minds to do. It doesn't matter if it's sailing, windsurfing, painting, sculpting or making their beds. Do the best you can and then you're off the hook. As long as I know you've tried your best, if your best isn't A material, what can you do?

Well, last night was our movie night. My older one got up to make some popcorn. Believe it or not, even in Hawaii they like to wrap themselves up in blankets when watching movie. Well, as she was getting her popcorn bowl out of the cabinet, her blanket knocked the frame off the kitchen wall. 

More than a thousand pieces of glass shattered all over the kitchen floor. 

Not going to lie to you, I was very upset. My little one started crying and ran to her room. They all know how much I love this picture. It is the only framed photo that hangs in my house. 

I took one deep breath and I thought about the sign that rests on top of the photo. 

Be The Mom You Want Them To Remember. 

Wouldn't that have been ironic if I lost my temper and snapped at her and this picture frame would have turned out to mean something sad and hurtful in her developing brain?

It's just a picture frame. 

I can manage my mind around it. 

She did not mean to break it. She was startled. I know she was sad and she knew how much I loved that frame.

Who cares?

As a mom, my handling of my emotions is way more important to me than anything I will gift to my children. Modeling a behavior that is loving and non-judgmental is the best gift I can give them. 

Otherwise, I am living this fake curated life that is not at all who I am. 

I care nothing about material things. They should see me not care about a frame and know that at the end of the day, my love for them is the only constant in their life. 

Managing my mind about how I show up in my children's lives in a day to day fashion has been the gift of the tools I have learned as a life coach.

Years ago, I would have reacted very differently. 

I still remember my mom's response when I would accidentally knock over a cup of tea on our Persian carpets growing up.

Showing up intentionally for my kids means choosing love as the main emotion to help guide me communicate all the emotions that may come up for me.

Life changing. Try it next time. 

Try to be the best mom that you possibly can be. Which reminds me of another sign that hangs in my entrance. A quote by Abraham Lincoln.

Whatever you are, be a good one. 

So much love and Aloha to you.